reasons. I just finished my second book this spring, “Inside Poker: The
Good, The Bad and the Ugly,” and that endeavor is always much more
time consuming than one would think. And then, there is the promotion
and sales of the book so, needless to say, I have put writing columns on
the back burner. I finished the new book in the Spring of this year, so by
the time the World Series of Poker came around, I was ready to get back
into the swing of playing poker again.
Once I started playing poker again, material for writing became plentiful,
as the stuff I really like to write about (the humorous side) is abundant
in the poker world. I heard many a funny story and observed many funny
incidents and as I am about to relate some of these happenings I must
tell you that they all are true—Boy Scout’s honor.
WSof P
During first break for one of the large, large fields, as we were waiting in
line for the men’s john, I overhear someone behind me say, “It’s days like
today that make me wish I was a cross-dresser.” Funny line and really
not a bad idea for next year as the ladies' restroom usually has no line.
Venetian
An announcement made by a floor person during one of the Venetian
tournaments--it was the first time in twenty years of playing tournaments
that I have heard it. It went something like this, “Let’s all give the
dealers a round of applause for the great job they have been doing for
the last two weeks during the tournament.” All things considered, the
applause was much more enthusiastic than I would have imagined with
only a smattering of boo's. It might have been a nice gesture, but It
struck me funny. Truthfully, can you picture this idea catching on?
The Orleans Open
The Orleans gave you a $5.00 food coupon when you signed up for a
tournament. They had a food table set up right next to the tournament
area. The stand was serving hot dogs, sandwiches, chips, etc.
One afternoon, at one of my tables, a young man bought a hot dog,
potato chips and a soda. He had finished his hot dog, but unfortunately,
shortly after that he got busted and was leaving the table when another
player noticed that he hadn’t finished his bag of potato chips. The potato
chips were still sitting just a little off center of his seat. The player next
to me called out in a loud voice, “Hey wait a second you still got chips!”
The table burst out in laughter and everyone thought that was a great
line except the losing player who saw no humor in it as he turned slightly
then gave the table a dirty look and continued walking out of the area.
The next day in the tournament, a situation arose where a player had a
very difficult decision to make, that being whether or not to call someone
else’s all-in bet. The player trying to decide whether or not to call had
fewer chips than the bettor. He knew if he called and lost he would be
out of the tournament. After quite a while, the player apologized to the
table for taking so long and then said, “Sorry for delaying the game, but I
am tinkering with a system for poverty.” I thought it was funny and a
great way to put into words a dilemma that we have all faced in
tournament poker. As to whether his system would have worked, no one
would ever find out as, after the long contemplation and delay, the player
decided not to call. Still, I think, a very funny comment.
Legends of Poker
The next incident is an example of why they say truth is funnier than
fiction.
One day in the tournament, someone at my table noticed a little insect,
probably a knat, walking across the table. Someone said, “Kill it!” Just
then, the player to my right, an L.A. player who is called “Spiderman,”
shouted, “No, No. Don’t do that, just pick it up and blow it away from the
table.” Spiderman’s request, of course, fell on deaf ears as the guy
closest to the insect proceeded to squash it. Spiderman said, "You
shouldn’t have done that." To be honest, it really didn’t bother me, but I
did find it amusing how passionate Spiderman could be in his anti-death
penalty for an insect.
Firmly convinced I was on the right page, I turned to Spiderman and said,
“Don’t tell me, I bet you’re an animal rights guy and you probably don’t
eat meat, Right?” He answered, very nonchalantly, “Yes, I eat meat.”
Well, his answer struck me and two or three other players funny. I said,
"You mean you would eat a poor moo moo?" His answer was an
emphatic, “Yes, I love a good hamburger.” Go figure.
For what it's worth …
Inside Poker: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
